1.
I have turned my back on the mountains. Let the sun have them.
Let the sun have the river as well, I am done with it.
I am done with the sun and the mountains and the river.
Now I will stare at the spines of books.
At the spines, and the hinges, and the knobs.
The spines of books hold a chorus
singing from the dead to the living,
and from the living back to the dead.
I was about to reread The House of Mirth
but then recalled that we read it aloud to each other,
chapter by chapter, in bed. The sun
is setting behind my back. Behind
the knobs are secrets. I will
tell about them another time. The files are
useful; neither fully open nor shut.
I was speaking to a young man about
the ineffable. He seemed to want to find a way
to say it. I said the nature of
the ineffable is the unsayable.
The spines’ address is inward and outward,
the once and never more recurring, binding
there into here, like the quick shadow of that bird.
2.
The story anticipates its assembly
under a punitive moon.
Remember me. Was that a question?
Hard to say. And don’t look up.
Questions burden us
toward landscapes of old-growth trees
and the terror of the kill. Hi, it’s me again,
I had a dream in which things
happened that do not and will not
in real life. I look up into
the disobedient figure of the real
and resent its sentence.
I am not a platform. The body
foresees its future, playing a certain tune
aside or beside the point
of beautiful unfolding. Belonging, yes, but
to whom or to what? I apologize. I looked up
at the eternally weeping willow.
Widow? Window? I can’t tell in this dark.
Copyright © 2023 by Ann Lauterbach, Door, Penguin Books